Dad’s Question: On the Road

A dad asked whether having a job in far-off places and not always being with his kids means they’d fail in school.

I’m glad this dad realizes that his travels may affect his children’s school performance. I’m not sure all parents even think about it. That’s sad.

I don’t believe a parent’s physical absence dooms a child to failure. It can, however, influence the child. Being emotionally present, whether you’re at home or on the road, is a key. Here’s what I recommend:

• When you are physically present, fully engage with your children. On those nights when you’re not on the road, make sure to talk about school and help them study and complete their homework. Communicate that learning is important; not just grades. What you can do when you’re home is important!
• When you are on the road, regularly communicate with your children. Emails, texting, and posting on social sites like MySpace and Face Book can be effective. But, call often. If you can call sometimes at 4:00 p.m. instead of 8:00 p.m., do so. You might get a fresher perspective and you might help your child have a good night.  Also, you can hear things in children’s voices that you can’t pick up from written communication. And, they can hear your love, concern, and enthusiasm, too. It’s also easier to follow up on what’s said and to build a real give-and-take conversation.
• Don’t just ask how your children did in school. Also ask them who they were in school – were they kind, outgoing, confident, joyful, and considerate? Or, were they scared, bossy, sad, and prideful? Talking about their character and emotions can be more important than talking about grades
• Ask what they learned with realistic questions like, “What’s one thing you learned today?” “What surprising thing did you learn today?” “What confused you today?” It’s very honoring to remember what your children are studying and then to ask questions about those topics. So, instead of asking, “What did you learn today?” you can ask, “Did you learn anything more about mammals today?
• Share what you learned that day. Effective modeling that you’re still learning is very important. Children need to understand that learning takes place outside of school. Encourage children to ask you the same question you ask them about learning. Or, simply share occasionally what you learn about your topic, yourself, and people in general
• When asking about grades, follow up by asking if they’re satisfied with their grades. You may discover that their 92% disappoints them because they studied hard. Their 84% might please them because the test was especially challenging. Knowing whether they’re satisfied will prompt you to be more supportive. When it’s safe to do so, ask what they’ll do differently if they want to improve. Ask how you can help. Don’t ask if you can help. Ask how you can help
• Do your best to remember your children’s test schedule. This allows you to encourage children with a quick call or text that morning and to ask about it at night. They’ll appreciate that you’re thinking of them even though you have your own agenda.

I hope these ideas are helpful. What works for you and your kids? Feel free to leave a comment.

 

Everyone benefits!

This will be quick because it’s late here in Atlanta, but I wanted to write because I’m very encouraged. I spent yesterday and today at Reese Road Elementary School in Columbus, Georgia. It’s one of the very best experiences I’ve had. The leadership team is just that — a team. It was very obvious to me. Everyone benefits!

Every teacher and staff member I interacted with was positive, upbeat, professional, and child-centered. After doing assemblies for their students, we spent almost three hours together this afternoon. The time flew by and laughter filled the room. I loved their joy! They were safe with each other as they enthusiastically embraced my approach to multiple intelligences.

Reese Road Elementary School is going to focus on developing their students into leaders, in part by teaching them about and through the multiple intelligences. I’m excited for them and their students. I can’t wait to see what happens. Everyone will benefit!

I’m renewed tonight. These kids were delightful – respectful, engaged, obedient, enthusiastic, … The teachers were marvelous – willing to work to discover new ideas, supportive of each other, … I know there are many schools like this one. I’m glad I was in one yesterday and today. I’m encouraged!

Open and Obedient

One week ago today I arrived back from a very fulfilling two-week overseas trip. That doesn’t seem possible! After speaking in Albania, I spent six days with families in Hungary who live in 17 countries in that part of the world. Most were originally from America, but they’re now serving God overseas.

 The children were bright, energetic, teachable, and obedient. The parents were also energized by being together and by opportunities to worship and learn. It was everyone’s joy that was captivating.

I’m glad I was reminded that being open to God’s call and obedient to it is wise. That’s when we can truly be who we were created to be. In that we’ll find peace and joy and we’ll be able to bless others. May this be our goal!

Dr. Kathy

Favorite sightings from Albania

Greetings from Tirana, Albania. I’ve been here since Tuesday afternoon to speak to teachers and students from the GDQ School. Home school parents and children joined us, as well. It’s been great! Teachable, welcoming, joyful people live here, serving Christ. (I’m very impressed with the school – the staff and the amount of learning I see going on here. If you’re interested in a unique overseas experience, check out their website: www.gdqschool.org. Read about who the school is named for. It’s cool! Maybe you could join their staff!)

The conference is over so tomorrow morning I’ll be going up a mountain in a cable car. I’m looking forward to that and what I see there might end up being among my favorite things, but I decided not to wait to make my list. Here are my favorite sights so far: 

** A wire, collapsible music stand to hold my notes when I spoke. It reminded me of the ones I used when practicing the viola many, many years ago. I think they have more of a story to tell than the boring, black, heavy, music stands used in the States today. 

** Hunter, just about the cutest dog I’ve ever seen. He belongs to the family I’m staying with. I’ve never liked many dogs. My niece’s dog, Snickers, has been the exception up until now. Hunter makes the list. 

** Laundry hanging on ropes strung from windows. Laundry hanging from clothes lines on rooftops. I’ve seen this in other countries, too, and it makes me grateful for my dryer! 

** Old men gathered at little plastic tables on the sidewalks outside small stores. Some are just talking, others are playing chess. I think they’re content and not at all hurried even though so much of the world is. They remind me to slow down and visit with people. 

** Cars everywhere! Parked everywhere! Moving everywhere down streets that don’t seem wide enough, but are. 

** Eager teachers and parents ready to learn more, expressing their gratitude for an idea by nodding their approval and smiling as ideas click in their brains. 

** Students, some reluctant listeners at first, who sit up straighter and straighter as they recognize how God made them smart in particular ways. Looks of knowing, slight smiles that gradually take over their faces, and then quiet joy that erupts in perfect laughter. 

** One girl making intense eye contact with me every time she raised her hand to acknowledge she has that smart, too. She raised her hand all 8 times, easily believing she is smart and can make a difference with how she is smart. Her smile lit up the room. 

** Students grinning from ear to ear as they happily acknowledged they turn to God for answers to questions and solutions for their problems. 

** A student confidently explaining his brilliant reason for choosing Moses as  a role model. Yes, this is a favorite thing I heard, but it’s also a marvelous thing I saw as he stated, among his peers, with a confident body-language response that Moses was someone he admired. 

** A student confident in his own skin with obvious leadership qualities ready to serve who he can. 

** Teachers and parents and husbands and wives supporting each other with knowing looks, elbow jabs, pats on the back, and smiles from across the room and right next door.  

** Confidence, teachability, and joy. I’ve decided I like how these three qualities look when they reside in the same person. I’m going to look for more people like these. 

Okay – that’s it for tonight. More later from here, perhaps, and for sure from Hungary next week. 

Dr. Kathy 

Professors

Yesterday and today it was my pleasure to speak at Howard Payne University in Brownwood, TX. Being with enthusiastic, young college students reminded me of my years serving as a professor at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay. Those were great years!

I love the energy and curiosity of today’s youth. I still find just being on a college campus stimulating. I’d love to speak to college students and faculty more often.

I had a chance to ask one college sophomore why she likes Howard Payne. Frankly, it’s a small school in the middle of nowhere (or that’s how it feels driving there) so I was genuinely curious. Her answer pleased me greatly! Without hesitation, she replied, “It’s the professors. Definitely!”

Teachers will always make the difference. It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about preschoolers or college students. Let’s encourage every teacher we know! The good ones are probably working really hard and would love to be thanked. Others could be working more diligently. Maybe your encouraging word will make the difference!

Followership

Last weekend, February 1-3, I was privileged to speak at the Tennessee Valley Women’s Retreat. Spending quality time with 250 teachable and joyful women was deeply encouraging. Their passion for the Lord and their children and grandchildren spoke volumes to me.

I started the retreat by saying that “followership” may be more important than leadership. Do you agree? I’d love to know what you think. For YOU, is followership important? Is there value in knowing who you’re following and how to follow well?

Based on my time with these 250 precious women, I believe people can follow them with confidence. They know who they’re following and that makes all the difference.

From Fort Worth,

Dr. Kathy

Beautiful Birmingham

For the past two days I’ve been speaking at the Association of Christian Schools International convention in Birmingham, AL. It’s been a beautiful experience.

It often amazes me how much can be accomplished in just a few days. This trip is no different. I arrived late Wednesday morning with two members of my staff. We set up our exhibit space and two of us had dinner with a friend who we used to attend church with.

Thursday I spoke three times, we interacted with many people at our exhibit booth, we had dinner with the other convention guests, and we attended an outstanding concert. It was a long day!

Today I spoke three more times and we interacted with even more people at our booth. Then we packed up unsold products and went to a different friend’s house for dinner. There we interacted with several women who wanted to meet me. I learned a lot from the questions they asked me about their children. I definitely enjoyed meeting them and sharing my insights. It was another long day!

Our days have been very full. But, how our days have been isn’t the most important thing to me. Instead, it’s how people’s days will be.

Will teachers who heard me speak try some of the ideas I explained? Will they try them more than once if they don’t work smoothly the first time? How will children benefit? What about the moms we met tonight? Will they remember some of our conclusions? Will they relate differently to their children because we talked tonight? I have high expectations for the moms and the teachers at the convention because they were teachable, attentive, and joyful. I believe many children will benefit.

I think the most important days of a convention are the days that follow.

“Next point!”

As I write this, it’s Sunday night and I just watched the Packers lose. They sure didn’t play as well as I know they’re capable of. Will I remain a fan? Definitely. It was just one game. Was it important? Yes. Am I disappointed they lost? Yes.

Like the Packers, I need to move on. I have to. I speak in the morning to teachers in the Brownwood ISD here in Brownwood, TX. They need my full attention. I intend on giving it to them. Might an analogy or two from football sneak into my message? Probably. But, I’ll move on.

In fact, instead of just sharing from football, I think I’ll share an example or two from basketball since I attended a Dallas Mavericks basketball game on Saturday night. Our NBA team played well and deserved to win, which they did. This past fall, I heard Avery Johnson, the Mavs coach speak. He was excellent. I’ll leave you with two of his points. I’ll be sharing them with the teachers tomorrow.

After every play, he encourages his guys to think “next point.” If a mistake was made, he doesn’t want them dwelling on it. Think, “next point.” If they do a great job, he doesn’t want them lost in people’s praise or their own. Think, “next point.” This is good advice for kids … and for the Packers.

Tomorrow afternoon, I’ll teach teachers the change process we’ve developed to help students change attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, and actions. Among other things, I’ll share what Avery teaches his athletes: Choose two things to keep doing, two things to stop doing, and two things to start doing. What would you choose?

One more thing. The Mavs have 10 coaches for 15 players. (head coach, assistant coaches, player development coaches, and a strength/conditioning coach) How many coaches do your kids have?

Go Packers!

Although I realize that not everyone who appreciates Celebrate Kids appreciates the Packers, I still had to write to proclaim my allegiance — Go Packers!

Whether I’m watching a football game, a basketball game, or some other sporting event, I can’t help but think of the value of the fans. The Packers’ fans are superb! Did you see them in the stands? They came and stayed for the game, through the snow and cold. They didn’t leave early. If only all children had fans like that. People who showed up, cheered progress, celebrated victories, and stayed for the long haul. Imagine!

Go Packers! Go children! Go teens! Go parents! Go teachers! Victory!!!

Newbie

Hi! This is my very first post. I’ve been wanting to start a blog for awhile as president of Celebrate Kids, Inc. (www.CelebrateKids.com) I’m excited to begin this venture with you! I’m looking forward to sharing my insights about children, teens, parenting, and teaching and learning a lot from you. Till next time, I’ll leave you with this Kathyism:

Don’t just tell children what to say “no” to.

Teach them what to say “yes” to.

Dr. Kathy